Confidence often feels like the key to unlocking everything we want in life—it gives us the courage to take risks, chase dreams, and show up as our best selves. But there are plenty of myths surrounding confidence that can hold us back from truly claiming it for ourselves.
Myth #1: Some People Are Naturally Confident
If you’ve convinced yourself that confidence is something only a lucky few are born with, it’s time to rethink that belief. Confidence is a skill, not a gift granted to a select group. Maybe you didn’t grow up surrounded by confident role models. Perhaps setbacks, like career shifts, life changes, a breakup, or health challenges, have left you feeling uncertain. Think about any skill you have now—you weren’t born knowing how to ride a bike or play an instrument, but with practice and determination, you learned new skills. The same applies to confidence.
Regardless of where you’re starting, know this—confidence is a choice. You can practice habits and techniques that build confidence the same way you strengthen a muscle. With patience and persistence, those habits will become second nature. Pretty soon, you’ll notice that spark returning to your eyes. Sure, it takes effort, but the results? Absolutely worth it.
Action Step: Begin by practicing small, confidence-building behaviors daily—whether it’s introducing yourself to someone new, sharing your opinion in a meeting, or smiling at strangers. Each action adds up and helps you rewrite the story you tell yourself.
Myth #2: Confidence Is Constant Once You Have It
Many women feel disheartened when they experience moments of self-doubt, believing it means their confidence isn’t real. But the truth is, confidence isn’t a steady state—it ebbs and flows.
Even the most accomplished, self-assured women have moments of insecurity. The secret lies in how they manage those dips. Picture confidence as a roller coaster. There will be highs and lows on the ride—but you’re the one at the controls. When doubt creeps in, you hold the power to steady yourself through it.
Action Step: When a confidence dip hits, acknowledge it without judgment. Then, use tools like journaling, positive affirmations, or talking to someone you trust to regain your momentum. Treat your confidence like a garden—it needs regular care to grow and thrive.
Myth #3: Some Women Never Lack Confidence
Here’s the reality no one talks about enough—absolutely everyone has moments of doubt, hesitation, and fear. That woman who seems to radiate confidence all the time? She has insecurities too. She’s just developed strategies to bounce back when her confidence wavers.
The key isn’t to eliminate doubt (spoiler alert—you can’t), but to equip yourself with tools to manage it when it shows up. Remember, confidence isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up for yourself, even on days when you don’t feel 100%.
Action Step: Flip the story in your mind. When self-doubt creeps in, say the phrase, “This too shall pass,” while reminding yourself the feeling is normal and temporary. Build an inner cheerleader to silence the critic—think of one specific moment when you felt unstoppable and use that as your mantra. And remember, it’s okay to lean on others for support when you need it. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Myth #4: Confidence Means You’re Loud and Bold
There is a common misconception that confidence means being the loudest person in the room or constantly seeking attention. True confidence doesn’t rely on external validation or loudness, but rather an inner belief in oneself and one’s abilities. This can manifest itself in quieter ways, such as standing up for yourself and speaking your truth calmly and confidently. True confidence comes from within, not from seeking approval or validation from others. So don’t feel pressure to change your personality or be someone you’re not in order to appear more confident. Embrace who you are and let your inner confidence shine through.
Action Step: Take some time to reflect on what true confidence means to you. Write down a list of qualities and behaviors that embody confidence for you personally, rather than relying on societal norms or expectations. Then, focus on cultivating those qualities within yourself, rather than trying to fit into someone else’s idea of confidence. Remember, true confidence is unique and individualized, so don’t try to force yourself into a certain mold. Be authentically yourself and embrace your own brand of confidence.
